Dude. This is quite the ride!
With the exception of a minor meltdown at Motherhood Maternity store last night, I’m happy to report that the lows have been less frequent and painful. Even the meltdown wasn’t too bad. I only teared up a couple of times and was still able to find joy in those moments.
As I mentioned in my last post, the weight gain and body spread are definitely having an affect on me. While I know that I am growing a human and it’s only temporary and I’ll lose the weight after baby and it’s all worth it and blah, blah, blah…it doesn’t change the fact that when I look the in mirror right now, I see a body that is foreign to me. Four years of hard work and dedication seem to be disappearing in front of my eyes. While I know this isn’t actually true, it feels true and I won’t apologize for my feelings. I am nothing if I am not honest. I want others to know that if they feel this way, they are not alone.
I don’t feel like this because I put all, or much, if any, stock in what my body looks like, after all, I am the writer of the viral post “10+ Reasons I Love My Ugly Body” but that doesn’t mean that I can’t feel sad when I see my hips, butt and thighs growing and getting mushier everyday. I still love my body, that will never change– without it I wouldn’t be alive! It’s just hard to watch it transform out of my control. Enough on that for now because there’s far more to be happy about than sad…
We got some wonderful news this week!
I had my 12 week appointment and my old lady appointment last week and both were just incredible experiences!
We got to hear the heartbeat at the 12 week appointment which was absolutely magical. A check mark in box number 5 of believing this is really going to happen this time!
At my old lady appointment we had an ultrasound to check the nucal transulency of our babies neck to check for potential genetic issues. Watching that little squirt bounce around in my belly was just…pure, unadulterated joy. I was laughing and crying and laughing some more. I couldn’t stop laughing. I didn’t want it to stop. When the doctor came in to tell us every thing looked good we breathed a sigh of relief. Brett and I both seem to be holding our breath a lot these days!
Look! It’s a real baby!
This week we got a call from the genetic counselor to tell us that the old lady blood work looked great too! Check, check, check…deep exhale!
Oh and we got to find out the sex too, but that will have to wait for a later post since we haven’t even told our families yet. But we’ll do that soon, I promise!
Sleeping at night is getting harder already, mostly because I’m a back sleeper and I’m not supposed to sleep on my back anymore because of my uterus potentially cutting off the circulation in the vena cava, which brings blood back to the heart– kind of an important thing I suppose, so I’m thinking about getting a pregnancy pillow. Have you every used one of those? Recommendations welcome!
The dreams seem to have calmed down a bit which is nice, but I’ve experienced a bit of insomnia, so that sucks. I imagine that will get worse before it gets better and that I should just go ahead and get used to operating on less regular sleep. Ha!
The eating is still weird. The nausea is all but gone, however I just feel like I’m hungry ALL THE FREAKING TIME! In fact, I just went to the fridge, stood there staring into it saying out loud…”I should NOT be hungry! I just ate!” Then I realized that was four hours ago…but still! I haven’t done anything besides sit at my desk for the last four hours so how much energy could I have actually expended? I’ll tell you, not much…even while growing a human! So I’m sitting here eating leftover enchiladas from last night, wishing I was eating an apple instead.
Do you know how much I LOVE apples? I L.O.V.E. them! I have a whole bag of honeycrisp apples (my FAVE!) in my fridge right now and I am eating enchiladas because the thought of eating an apple is repulsive.
WHO AM I AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH MY APPETITE?!?! I’m definitely having Brett’s baby!
I am eating fruits and veg whenever possible, just not as often as I used to, or a least not alone. I can still enjoy a salad, and veggies in my eggs or as a side dish, but the thought of just eating an apple is a no go. Isn’t that weird? Eh. I do make sure I have some at least a few times a day, because you know, nutrients and stuff, but I miss being able to just grab an apple and go.
Anyway, that’s what’s happening in Andrealand this week. Baby Matthes is growing and I am feeling better with each passing day-– good most of the time and a little “meh” some of the time.
I may complain, but that doesn’t mean I’m not grateful. I am, I promise. <3
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I got word just few days ago that my daughter was pregnant with her third baby. She is now 13 wks along. Last year she almost died from a tubal pregnancy that had burst. She almost died… that is still very surreal to say. She lost that fallopian tube and was told that there was a 98% chance of having another tubal pregnancy if she tried for another baby. This baby is a true miracle as are all babies but this one in particular as she was taking precautions so as not to get pregnant. Her ultrasound showed a completely healthy baby and my baby was completely healthy as well.. I know the relief you feel that your baby is doing well. Congratulations…. I know your joy intimately. You will get your body back.. but this time is once in lifetime experience. I had four babies and not once was it the same. Each pregnancy was it’s own experience and I wouldn’t trade moment of that time for anything. Please treasure each and every moment.
Oh wow!That’s some scary stuff! I’m so glad she and baby are okay and wish you all the best in the coming months! It certainly is an interesting adventure! <3
Oh my goodness this is as if I was writing this myself. This is exactly how I have been feeling. I am 2 years 3 months out from my sleeve. I am 37 have an 8 year old and I am staring ALL over again I am 15 weeks along and just got my results from my genetic testing and what a relief to hear negative on all tests. I was so worried in the ultrasound and waiting on these results because of being an “old lady” I just happened to run across this article on Facebook I am so glad I am not alone thank you for writing your true feelings.
Wow! Lots of similarities! Thank you for reading and sharing! 🙂
I know exactly how you feel. My newborn will be 1 week old tomorrow. Before getting pregnant, we had a miscarriage so I remember the tears of worry and joy before each of the important Dr. Appointments and sonograms. And the body issues. I had lost 75lbs before pregnancy and watching it all disappear was hard. Really hard and even though I’ve just had my baby I’m starting to get frustrated that my old clothes don’t fit yet. I know it’s normal. I know it’s expected. Doesn’t make it any easier on my mind when I look in the mirror. So just know, everything your feeling is normal and you ate an inspiration for sharing it like this.
Thank you Brenda. Congratulations on your new baby! <3