Sunday marked my third softball practice (ever) and when I left the field all I wanted to do was curl up in a ball and cry…then cut off all my hair and quit the team.  To say it was a bad practice for me is an understatement.

In conjunction with dehydration and not enough food…along with my A.D.D (for real, I have a legit DX) it was all I could do to stay focused at practice. Couple that with my inability (and slight fear of things flying at my face) to catch a ball, I was by far the weakest player on the team.

I had one pop-fly land directly on top of my left foot. Another ball landed square on the big toe of my right foot. And even though I ALMOST caught one ball with my glove…I also used the other NON-GLOVED hand to “help” which resulted breaking a blood vessel on that thumb! SON-OV-UH!  I hit most of the balls that were pitched to me but only about three made it past the bases…and that might be an overestimation.  Basically I spent two hours standing in the sun while getting beat up by flying objects which may or may not result in a lost toenail.

Needless to say, my ego was bruised worst of all.  By the end of practice I was on the verge of tears. It was a miserable two hours that seemed to get worse one pitch at a time.

On the way home I called Brett and told him about how awful it was. I told him how I thought no one actually wanted me on the team because I was the weakest player. I worried that they were having a secret meeting about how to handle telling me. I thought maybe they’d decide that I could still be on the team but they wouldn’t let me play unless our team was ahead by several points in the 7^th inning (or something like that). I was suddenly consumed with all kinds of insecurities and self-doubt—feelings I hadn’t felt in a LONG time. I wanted to throw up– even typing this right now makes me feel nauseated.

In the past when I was faced with not being good at something I would quit. It was a vicious cycle of multiple jobs, hobbies, relationships and more. The moment I felt uncomfortable or not good enough I would throw in the towel and move on to the next thing that I MIGHT not suck at. It never really occurred to me that I COULD get better at something if I would just fricken NOT GIVE UP!

As I was saying all of this to Brett I remember that I’m NOT that person anymore. I have proven over and over again that I AM capable of doing things I couldn’t do in the past. I am faster, stronger, better than ever before!

If there’s one thing I’ve learn over the last few years, mostly thanks to CrossFit, it’s that hard work pays off so I told myself, “Self, don’t’ be an idiot. You CAN learn how to catch a damned ball and you CAN learn how to swing a friggen bat! Just because you’re not good at it today doesn’t mean you won’t be good at it forever!”

So I decided that I will not give up on softball. Instead, I will practice more. I will go to the batting cages. I will work on keeping my eye on the ball and keeping my OTHER hand out of the way.

Last night I went to Academy and bought a new mitt (one that’s made for softball and not baseball like my other one) a couple of balls and a bat. Tonight, Brett and I will go to the park, he will throw balls at my face and I WILL catch them. I will also hit them with (what I realized after I got home) my “youth baseball” bat as far as I can…hopefully hard and hopefully fast—if not now, eventually.

One of my friends posted this quote on Facebook the other day, “Practice Makes Progress.” That’s what I plan to do. I don’t have to be the best on the team but I’m not going to get any better unless I practice, so that’s what’s going to happen.

Just call me “Slugger.”