I’m happy to report that as of my last OB visit I had only gained ONE pound in 3 weeks. That is a first for me throughout this pregnancy as I have averaged at least a pound per week up until this point. Oy!

As of today I am at 27 weeks and 1 day, right at the cusp of the 3rd trimester…you know, when the majority of the weight gain is SUPPOSED to start. (oh please, oh please, oh please, let me be the exception!) So far this week I’ve actually LOST 2 pounds– not because I’m trying to lose weight but probably because I’m…I don’t know, finally getting this pregnancy thing figured out? Maybe?

As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, I am not a fan of being pregnant, and trust me, nothing has changed. People assume that it’s because of the weight gain, which I understand, but let me assure you, the scale is a very small factor in my misery.

Yes, it is hard to see the scale sky rocket– I’m up a total of 35lbs from the day I got pregnant  (45 from my lowest weight) and knowing that it’s not over is a bit tough to swallow, but the number on the scale is not the source of my strong feelings of dislike about being pregnant.

Here’s an interesting fact about me: I HATE taking showers.

I hate them so much. I realize that they are necessary, and that I must make them happen in order to, you know, not be dirty and disgusting, which has benefits of things like: not stinking, being able to make and keep friends who aren’t afraid to hug me, sexy time with my husband and hair that doesn’t look like I styled it with french fries– which let’s be honest, that’s the best reason to shower. But the thing about showers is that you’re trapped in a little box, unable to escape the water that is spraying in your face, while you do a task that must be done– even if it’s just to wash the grease ball on top of your head, never mind shaving and all that other stuff that sometimes occurs. Sure you can turn on the radio, sing along, or listen to NPR and get some education, but you’re still in a box for however long it takes to get the job done.

PREGNANCY IS LONGEST SHOWER I HAVE EVER TAKEN!

Seriously guys. Forget the scale– that’s just a byproduct of being pregnant, a result of the SHOWER that has taken over my life. The thing I dislike about being pregnant the most is the feeling of being trapped in a box, unable to escape the water that is beating down on me. I mentioned before that I have totally lost control of EV-ER-Y-THING…including my thoughts, emotions, sometimes my words, my brain power, my bladder, my sleep pattern and my appetite. On top of this, all I want to do is all of the things that I can’t (shouldn’t) do.

I miss my high intensity workouts (turns out I’m a heart rate junkie)

I miss raw vegetables (I have sworn off all raw veg INCLUDING SALAD since the most recent listeria outbreak in bagged lettuce)

I want to go skiing and ride my bike and run.

I miss feeling strong.

I miss training– for something.

I want to not worry ALL THE FREAKING TIME.

I want to feel pure joy, rather than cautious optimism– turns out, previous miscarriage is a real joy-thief.

I want people to STOP CONSTANTLY SAYING THINGS LIKE, “Oh just wait…” or “You have no idea, wait till baby gets here.”

I want to stop being angry about people who are just trying to help, share, relate, advise, etc. But I can’t.

I want to be excited about things rather than fearing disappointment.

I want to feel like me again.

I know that being a mom is going to change my everything, I’m prepared for that.

I know that I will not sleep well for the first ??? however long, maybe ever again– I remember sleeping with one eye open when we had foster kids. I know that I will constantly worry about his health, safety and development for the rest of my life.

I know that I’m not going to pop this kid out and go back to being who I was and living the life I lived.

I know that it will all be different, but at least I’ll be out of the shower!

If nothing else I’ll be able to eat a damned deli sandwich and salad again! I want Jimmy John’s SO BAD!

I don’t expect to go from pregnant to giving birth to training for a triathlon overnight, but just being able to ride my bike knowing that if I fall I will only injure myself will feel like freedom.

The thing is, I really have nothing to complain about– other than the weight gain which isn’t fun, but is also completely normal. I am having a text book pregnancy. I feel great! Though I expect that to change in the near future as I get closer to my due date. My blood pressure has been perfect. My 1 hour glucose test was perfect. Baby is measuring right on schedule. All is good. I’m just an angry pregnant lady who feels trapped in the longest shower of her life. (I’m laughing at myself as I type this, because come on…it’s really so ridiculous!)

As for the weight gain, like I said, I think I’m getting the hang of it. I’m working on finding ways to eat veggies in a way that doesn’t include potential listeriosis. And I’m using this down time to work on making I’mperfect Life better than ever. A LONG, SLOW, WORTHWHILE, process…kind of like a shower…and being pregnant.

<3 Andrea