Do you ever feel like you’re living in limbo, waiting to see what’s going to happen next so you can decide how to move forward? I’m living there right now and although it’s not a spectacularly fun place to be, I’ve recently accepted that it’s not that bad either.

Since my miscarriage back in January I feel like I’ve been living in a state of limbo, not knowing if/when I will get pregnant again. Wondering whether or not I will have a baby in the coming year– or ever for that matter, and worrying that I won’t…or that I will soon…or…???

This place of limbo has kept me from registering and training for any races or CrossFit competitions. It’s kept me from planning the 2016 I’mperfect Life Spring Retreat (though open registration is in full swing for the 2015 Fall Retreat!) This limbo has kept me from festivities that include alcohol (because, what if?!) and it’s kept me from making progress to get physically FASTER, STRONGER, BETTER. I’ve spent the last several months fighting with myself about all of this, trying to decide what to do, all while worrying that others will think I have given up and thrown in the towel or lost interest when it comes to fitness goals (or partying or planning retreats), but that’s far from the truth and I’ve come to accept that.

The truth is that my life is just in a different place right now than it was last year or the year before, or the year before that. I’m in a new season, so-to-speak. But that doesn’t mean that things like Spartans and Triathlons and CrossFit competitions no longer interest me, they just aren’t a priority right now and that’s okay. Sure I miss all that excitement and those victories, but there will time for more of those later.

Allowing myself to just “be” and to stop training, stop counting carbs and calories and pushing my body towards constant improvement has been quite freeing. It was hard to accept at first because I have spent the last few years working towards physical improvements, but there’s more to life than weight loss and competitive sports!

Don’t get me wrong, I’m still working out regularly because I don’t want my lifestyle to be limited by a body that is not physically capable of doing the things I want it to do– like hike, swim, ride a bike, or do a cartwheel! But I’m not currently trying to do any of those thing better, and I’m okay with that.

Part of letting go of perfection in order to live a happy healthy life is remembering that life is full of seasons that include peaks and valleys and ebbs and flows and right now I am in a season of (potentially) growing my family. It may not look like the kind of progress I worked hard to achieve over the last few years but it’s still part of making progress in my happy, healthy, I’mperfect Life. My body may not be where it was last year: it may not be stronger due to injuries, it may not be faster due to the miscarriage weight gain (which I still haven’t lost completely) and it may not look better, but I am definitely FASTER, STRONG, BETTER and most certainly MAKING PROGRESS on the inside.

Instead of focusing on the physical stuff right now, I’m working on the mental and emotional stuff. I’m practicing intuitive eating– eating when I’m hungry and stopping when I’m satisfied. I believe that working on this now will help if/when I get pregnant because I won’t have to stress about food. I will (hopefully) be in tune with my body to know what it needs, when and how much. I’m practicing keeping my heart rate at a safe level for pregnancy during my workouts so that if/when I get pregnant I will feel confident in my ability to maintain that. And I’m enjoying my time with my husband, doing things like taking vacations, going to the movies and Tuesday nights, and just relaxing without having to worry about taking care of anyone but ourselves.

Limbo is a weird place to be. It can feel stagnant and frustrating because living a life that is on hold is not living at all. But once I was able to put this into perspective, to realize that my limbo was far from stagnant, that it’s actually not limbo at all, just a different kind of progress, I was able to let go, accept and enjoy this season of wondering… am I pregnant?

Have you ever lived in limbo? Have you ever felt like your life was on hold waiting for a job offer, a mate, a baby, a diagnosis…an answer? How did you deal with it?  Did you find yourself shutting down or did you find ways to keep moving forward?  I want to know! Tell me in the comments below.

<3 Andrea