I was diagnosed with PCOS (Poly-cystic Ovarian Syndrome) back in 2001. Since then, my body has become the most frustrating part of my life- physically, mentally and emotionally.

Research has shown a direct relationship between PCOS and blood sugar. It’s sometimes referred to as pre-diabetes or insulin resistance. My particular symptoms include: wacked periods, weight problems and some stray chin hairs (easily yanked with a pair of tweezers), otherwise everything about me is within “normal” range, specifically my blood sugar.

So why is it such a big deal?

The one thing, okay two things I want most in this world are ONE: to be a mom and TWO: to be healthy and live the life I feel I was meant to live. The ACTIVE lifestyle I WANT to live. But instead, I’m uncomfortable in my own skin, have a butt that’s too big for a kayak, calves too big for snow skis and a lack of stamina too great to move much faster than nine-month pregnant woman. Which brings me back to number one– to be a mom, which is near impossible because of my uncooperative ovaries.

RX: low carb diet and sometimes glucophage/metformin which is a diabetes medication.

The word diet in general goes against what I believe and gets my blood a little hot. I try very hard to know where my food comes from, make things from scratch, starting with whole foods and avoiding anything that says sugar-free or fat-free, aka chemical rich!

So now what?

Every time I bake a loaf of bread, or roll out biscuits I feel like I’m choosing grains over my unborn child(ren). What is supposed to be HEALTHY is my supposed poison. This of course starts a whole new guilt trip and feeling of hopelessness.

I wish I was a better writer so I could communicate my real feelings. These words don’t do the sick-to-my-stomach feeling I get when I think about these choices.

The biggest: GUILT.

Maybe I’ll just start walking more.

Breakfast: two egg omelet with peppers and onions and cheese.
Lunch: Celery with peanut butter
Dinner: ???