Let’s get straight to the point. Over the last couple of months I gained 19.8lbs. Yeah, pretty much 20 L.B.’s! I knew I was up about 15lbs a couple of weeks ago, just before the miscarriage, but when I stepped on the scale last Wednesday (seven days ago) and saw 188.8 on the scale and I was shocked!

188.8 is basically 20 pounds away from my comfortable weight of 169lbs– the weight that I have maintained for over a year.  It’s the weight that I was when I posted those pictures of my the 10+ Reasons I Love My Ugly Body. It’s the weight I was when I was finally able to do all of those crazy things I never thought I’d be able to do…but then, life happened.

Let me backtrack just a little to catch you up in case you’re new here. The last seven months or so have been…difficult. I suffered an overuse/stress injury on my left shoulder at the end of last May which lasted about three months, only to be followed by a similar issue with my right shoulder in September. That was followed by some weird hip issue that sucked the life out of me in October, all of which led to me feeling totes emo and super defeated.

These physical issues were coupled with LOTS of travel over the summer months which had me gaining and losing the same 7-8lbs over and over again. That part was no biggie. I had my system in place, and I was consistently able to “nip that shit in the bud” every time those pesky 7-8lbs crept on. They’d typically last less than a week and then they’d be gone again. I felt in control.

However, come November everything changed. First of all, due to being totes emo and feeling defeated, I quit the love of my life: CrossFit. Next up, Brett and I went to San Francisco for 10 days, where I gained my typical 7-8lbs of travel weight. You know, those ones that would last about a week before I nipped that shit in the bud and was back to my comfy 169lbs? Yeah, those, but this time, instead of coming home and getting right back to my “home habits” I continued over indulging, AKA eating out almost every meal.

You see, we were doing home renovations and everything was a mess and so we HAD to eat out all the time…Excuse #1. And then you see, it was Thanksgiving, and well, we were in the full swing of the holidays, and well, there were lots of parties and…Excuse #2. THEN we went to Phoenix to take care of our niece and nephew because my brother-in-law was in the ICU…Excuse #3. Then of course it was Christmas…Excuse #4. Oh and THEN I found out I was pregnant…Excuse #5. Then my sister was in the hospital for that one week…Excuse #6. Then there was that unnerving ultrasound…#7. (You can catch up on all of that HERE) And THEN I had a miscarriage…Excuse #472!

While I’m sure some of that gain, a very small percentage, was related to the pregnancy, the rest was all me and my choices, for which I take full responsibility.

I CHOSE to eat Pollo Fundido at the best Mexican restaurant in the world while we were in Phoenix. I am responsible for the multiple Cheddar Bo Biscuits that I ate out of convenience or just because they sounded good over the few weeks that I was pregnant. I recognize that we ordered pizza too often because it was easy, and that we had decadent desserts whenever they were available, and snacked our way through New Year’s Eve and pretty much every other weekend between then and now because…excuses.

I made those choices because I did not feel in control. My entire life felt completely out of control, and it kind of was. Being out of town unexpectedly, while dealing with two family emergencies, the holidays, an “Am I or am I Not?” pregnancy and ultimate miscarriage. It was a rough few months. Sure I could have handled them differently, and yes, I probably should have, but in those moments, when my life felt out of control, I lost control of everything.

Recognizing that our “best” changes from moment to moment (per my favorite book, The Four Agreements) I did the best I could in those moments. It certainly wasn’t my usual best, or even my sometimes best, but it was the best I had in me at that time.

***

I hesitate to say that things seem to be calming down, because who knows what’s next. But I will say that I am feeling much more in control these last few days. Stepping on that scale last week was a great reminder of how I got to 328lbs not so long ago– by feeling out of control and making excuses to indulge more and move less. It also reminded me that I have worked hard to establish habits that allow me to live the life I’m living. Those habits that are based on the RULES that I made for myself back when I created I’mperfect Life.

Rule number one: Forgive yourself when you don’t meet your expectations. 

So here I am 7 days from the day I stepped on that scale, already 12 pounds down. I’m 7 days from seeing a number that reminded me of where I’ve been and where I want to be. I forgave myself instantly. Then I went to the store, stocked up on the foods that nourish me and allow me to live the life I love, and I promised myself that I’d get my ass back in the gym (box) on Monday, February 2nd because THAT’S what motivates me.

I made it to the box yesterday and although it felt great, boy oh boy do I have A LOT of work to do to get back to where I was and even more to get where I want to be! It’s not going to be easy, but it will be worth it.

I know it sounds crazy that making those three simple changes allowed me to drop 12 pounds in 7 days. But it’s true. Of course, most of that is water weight (proven by the fact that I’ve been peeing my brains out) but that doesn’t matter. Had I not TAKEN CONTROL and reinstituted MY RULES, those 12lbs of water would still be there today, plus a few more…and also more fat. So instead of dismissing it as “just water weight” I’m celebrating it as “regaining control” and “making progress!”

Now the hardest work comes. Finding the balance between burning this excess fat and building back all of the muscle that I’ve lost. It’s going to be an interesting few months that I’m sure will be full of ups and down and lots of plateaus!

I hope you’ll stick around, some good posts are surely coming your way!

How about you? Are you dealing with weight gain that you want to lose? Do you have a plan in place? Need some help? Here’s a post about what I am eating and how I prepare my meals! And if you need more motivation, consider signing up for the 2015 I’mperfect Life Making Progress Challenge! Registration closes February 15th! Get detail HERE!