I’ve seen those close up images of other women’s stretch marks informing me that I’ve earned my tiger stripes.

I’ve checked out the images of plus sized women, telling me to embrace my curves.

I’ve read the blog posts that say I’ll feel better about myself and my body if I just avoid all forms of media.

I get them. I understand their intention. But I don’t find them anymore helpful than a Band-aid on a broken bone.

The problem with these body-positive messages is that they continue to focus on the appearance of our bodies rather than creating a deep and meaningful relationship with them. A relationship that is full of genuine love and appreciation, not just affirmations that can simply feel like lip-service.

So here are 10 REAL ways that you can love your body, even when you don’t like the way it looks.

(Full disclosure, I DO NOT like the way my body looks…but I LOVE THE SHIT OUT OF MY BODY!)

You cannot control your genetics, so let’s start there.

Take a look at your family. Do you resemble them? Do yourself a HUGE favor right now and forgive yourself…and them. None of you chose your DNA and although modern science is working on it, you can’t currently change your DNA. So forgive yourself and your parents.

Yes, sometimes there are those outliers who lucked out and got the recessive tall, thin, great hair and skin genes, but again, you can’t control what you got, so stop letting it affect how you think and feel about yourself and your body.

You cannot undo your past, so forgive yourself for that too.

If you damaged your body somehow, like me, forgive yourself. I cannot go back and stop myself from reaching 328 pounds, but I can prevent myself from getting there again. And a huge part of that prevention comes from forgiving myself in order to avoid spiraling into the deep pits of regret, remorse, guilt and shame– which only perpetuate self-loathing and negative body image.

Forgive Yourself, Always also happens to be Rule #1 for Living an I’mperfect Life!

Pay attention to your body. We become so disconnected from our bodies that we don’t even notice them anymore, unless they disappoint us. It’s time to change that! Our bodies are amazing! They are so smart! Yes, they’re weird sometimes, but they are smart! They know exactly what they need and they’ll always tell you, all you have to do is listen.

Your body will tell you when it’s hungry, thirsty or tired. It will tell you when it’s too cold or too hot, and when it needs more oxygen– hello yawn! Bodies are amazing and when you honor your body’s needs, it will give you what you need in return.

So tune-in. Start listening to your body. Feed it when it’s hungry. Go to bed when it’s tired. Drink water when it’s thirsty (no need to drown it). Take a deep breath. And protect it from the elements.

Practice mindfulness (the observation of your thoughts without judgement) in all areas of your life!

Not sure where to start? Check out my 21 Days to Your Happy, Healthy Lifestyle. You’ll learn all about it! <3

Dude, what’s the point in comparing yourself to others? I mean, really. It is a total waste of time and energy and all it does is hurt you.

Remember that whole, genetics thing I mentioned above? Yeah, that’s one reason not to compare yourself, for sure! But here are a few more reasons why you should never compare yourself to others if you want to love your body, every day…

When it comes to strangers, remember that you don’t know their story. You don’t know anything about their relationship with their body. You don’t know if they punish themselves in the gym, or deprive themselves of food. You don’t know if they are healthy or sick. You know NOTHING about them, except what you see.

Also, your circumstances aren’t the same. If you’re a parent, your life is far different from someone who isn’t. If you’re a student working a full-time job, your life is far different from someone who isn’t. If you struggle with depression, anxiety or other mental health concern, your life is different from someone who doesn’t. And that’s okay.

Focus on YOU and only YOU.

YOU are the only person YOU can control. So do that. Okay?

Our bodies may not look the way we want them to, and they may have some limitations, but they are our only vessel for life. Because of that they deserve to be loved, honored, cherished. You know, all of the promises you make to your spouse when you get married…BECAUSE YOU LOVE THEM!

When you start thanking your body for being your body, you will change your entire relationship with your body. What has your body let you do today? (it let you read this blog post!)

Use your frickin’ body! For real. Use it.

Go for walks. Throw a ball for your dog. Get down on the floor and play with your kids. Ride a bike. Hike. Workout. Have sex (with yourself or someone else!) Work in your yard. Clean your house.

When you use your body you connect with it and grow your appreciation for it.

If you’re just going through the motions of daily life without taking time to connect with your body, through movement, you’re denying both yourself and your body more satisfaction that you can imagine! Moving your body and using your body ensures you’re able to be mindful of it, to appreciate it, and to…LOVE it!

If you’re avoiding events, not wearing certain clothes, or even staying at home in your safe-place, for fear of judgement from others. STOP. Go to the events. Wear the clothes. Get out of your safe place! (Literally and figuratively.)

The truth is NO ONE cares about you or your body as much as you do. In fact, they probably aren’t even noticing you at all.

That may sound harsh but it’s true.

When you go to the store, are you checking out every person who walks past you? Are you sizing them up? Criticizing their choice of clothes,  their hairstyle, or the size and shape of their body?

If so, then here’s some tough love…you’re the problem and it makes sense that you would assume others are doing the same, but they aren’t. So stop doing it yourself.

Yes, I know that there is the occasional asshole out there. But MOST people aren’t paying attention to anyone but themselves. They are so wrapped up in what they’re doing, and in their own insecurities, that they aren’t even noticing you.

So pay attention to yourself instead of worrying about what others are thinking, you’ll free yourself from so much unnecessary anxiety.

And even if someone notices you and judges you, that’s not your problem, unless you make it your problem. Sure, it might sting for a minute, but letting it fester is on you.

Remember, NO. ONE. CARES. (more than you)

Still struggling? Do what I do.

If I notice someone noticing me, I tell myself they must like my ____. (smile, shirt, cute kids) Or if I’m not feeling confident that day, or don’t have my cute kids with me, which happens, I tell myself that they’re probably just staring off into space and I happen to be in their line of sight. I know I do that all the time. “Oops! Sorry, I wasn’t staring I was just spacing out!”

Halon’s razor says: Don’t attribute malice to that which can also be attributed to incompetence (or in this case, day dreaming)

No one cares about your body as much as you. I promise.

If you can’t convince yourself to love our body for any other reason, you can’t deny this one…

WITHOUT YOUR BODY YOU WOULDN’T BE ALIVE!

I don’t think there’s much more I need to say about that so I’ll just say it again…

WITHOUT YOUR BODY YOU WOULDN’T BE ALIVE!

You can’t do anything without your body. Without your body you are dead. DEAD. You are dead without your body. Actually you’re not even dead, you just don’t exist at all. YOU DO NOT EXIST!

YOUR BODY IS YOUR ONLY VESSEL FOR LIFE!  Do you really need any other reason to love it and take care of it?

I didn’t think so!

Your body is counting on you. You are the ONLY PERSON responsible for it. You MUST make it a priority. Remember that whole thing about, your body being your only vessel for life? Well, because it’s your life, you are responsible for making sure it gets what it needs.

When you take care of your body, your entire relationship with your body improves and it makes it much easier to love it for no other reason than the fact that it’s yours!

Please, please, please make your body a priority! Take care of it and it will take care of you.

A huge part of my body positive platform is to focus on function over appearance, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t like the way your body looks. If you do, more power to you. Own it! And if you don’t, know that that’s okay too. You don’t have to like the way it looks in order to LOVE it! (I’m living proof of that!)

One way to help you love your body more, is to love other people’s bodies too.

When we build up others we change the way we think about ourselves. So pass out the compliments! Giving compliments not only feels good, but it makes receiving them easier, too. And let’s be honest, a compliment feels good– if you’re willing to accept it.

So if you see someone with a cute shirt, a great smile, or a killer body, tell them! Don’t assume they already know. Remember you don’t know anyone else’s story. Assuming they don’t need a compliment because they already know, only perpetuates negativity in yourself and towards others. Please, do not assume.

It feels good to compliment others and the more you do it, the more you’ll get in return. I hope you’ll gladly accept them.

Complimenting others builds you up too.

This may seem like it goes against being “body positive” but I will argue that to my grave. I believe that love and self-improvement go hand-in-hand.

You must love yourself in order to work towards improvement. Not want improvement, but to work towards it. Regret, remorse, guilt and shame are not good motivators. I mean, they might be for like a few seconds, but those feelings typically just lead back to more regret, remorse, guilt, and shame. So leave those feelings behind and choose to improve from a place of love.

When you work towards improvement from a place of love your relationship with yourself and your body grow exponentially.

Wanting to improve your body doesn’t mean you don’t love it, it means you care about it, that you want to make it better, because you want to improve your QUALITY of life!

And that’s what all of this is about. Improving your QUALITY of LIFE from the inside-out!

If you find these helpful, please share this post and help other women love their bodies too!

Not loving your body affects the way you do life.

You find yourself circling the drain, hating your body, worse, you hate yourself for not being able to control yourself and your body. And you hate others for having the body you want.

Then you punish yourself.

You binge eat, cover yourself in baggy clothes, and avoid leaving the house, or worse…

You deserve better and your body deserves better. It may not be easy to convince yourself to love your body right away, but if you use these tips, and keep practicing them, you will find the peace you want and the joy you and your body deserve. <3