Having a bit of a rough day…

I had big plans for myself after completing a round of 6 surgeries in 4 months for Lipedema.

I had planned to get back to CrossFit back in February.

I had planned to get back into racing in 2021.

I had planned to register for my first-ever adventure race in May.

I had planned to be back to “normal” long before now.

But you know what they say about plans!

I recently started physical therapy to help with joint mobilization, from what I thought was just shifts in my joints from extreme weight loss (164lbs in 2013) followed by pregnancy, and then of course the surgeries that altered the shape of my body.

I thought that I’d go to therapy, get fixed, and then finally be able to get back to normal.

Turns out, the normal I was planning on may not be a reality.

Turns out I seem to have a connective tissue disease (not officially diagnosed) that causes hyper mobility, which puts my joints at risk of dislocation.

Turns out this same issue may have been the cause of my early babies.

It may be the cause of feeling like I constantly need to stretch.

It may be what’s responsible for constipation, hemorrhoids, and fallen arches.

So, today I’m allowing myself to grieve the loss of my expectations for a quick and speedy recovery.

I’m grieving the loss of getting back to normal.

I’m grieving the loss of the race I’d planned to complete in just a few months, and the potential loss of CrossFit in the (hopefully just near) future.

I’m grieving the fact that my therapist thinks it’s best for me to not run, or skate, or ski, or anything else that requires bilateral movement.

But…

I am not giving up.

I am not calling this defeat.

I am not assuming this is my new forever.

I will keep fighting for myself, my body, and the life I want to live.