I have a tendency to write when I’m irritated and not so much when I’m feeling good. I THINK this is healthy. I like to think that writing gets it all out and when I’m feeling good I’m busy being happy. BUT, I don’t want this to be a “downer blog” where everyone who reads just feels sorry for me all the time. Of course I have many difficulties and frustrations, but I also have many blessings in my life that I am thankful for every day.

So, okay, enough about that…

What has happened since my last entry? Well, A LOT of good things…minus the continued bleeding. Yes people, we’re going on a whopping TWENTY-FIVE-MOTHER-EFFING DAYS! Last weekend was REALLY bad. There were many “blunderwear” casualties, as Brett likes to call them. Many calls from the bathroom…”BRETT!!! Will you please bring me some underwear?” He’s a good sport. Never complains, might huff a little, but is sensitive to my frustrations. By the third day I decided to just grab a handful of clean pairs and left them next to the toilet. Took me long enough to figure that one out! DUH!

Nights were spent wearing what I called diapers. Basically three pads one running vertically and two on either end running horizontally. Not comfortable at all, and still hardly effective. Brett slept in the guest room and I slept on a towel. It was awesome. NOT!

We barely left the house, and when we did, we had to stay close to home in case I had an “accident”. Pretty ridiculous eh?

By Tuesday it had slowed down enough to feel “normal” again, but it’s still hanging on even today. Just enough to be annoying.

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So here’s a funny story for you…especially those of you wondering how I had strained my back last week—

Because of all this bleeding, I decided to try a new “period management method”. Anyone heard of the Diva cup? Yeah, well if you haven’t, it’s basically a pliable, funnel shaped, silicone dixie-cup with a “stem” at the bottom. Sound like fun yet?

Well the genius that invented this was obviously very dexterous and fearless of potentially losing plastic utensils in HIS or her vagina.

There are two sizes to choose from. 1 and 2. 1 is for those under 30 who have never had children. 2 is for those over 30 whether you’ve had children or not- since I’m 32 I paid $40.00 dollars for the #2. Both sizes are actually the same price, but I wanted you to know how much I “invested” in the this little “project”.

So, I buy this miracle contraption that fits into my “green” lifestyle which will keep me from adding to the landfill, save me money since this one-time investment will last about two years, AND, I’ll only have to “deal” with it every twelve hours or so because that’s the nature of the design.

Excited to try it out, I get home from the store. The specialty store I might add. The specialty store that’s about 30 miles away and rush into the bathroom thinking this is going to make my life SOOOOO much easier!

Boy was I wrong. I know I could just leave it at this and that you could fill in the blanks, but I want to be sure you truly understand what I went through. It goes a bit like this…

I told you it was pliable right? Yeah, well, not really! Especially since in order to insert it you have to fold it in half, TWICE! Are you following me here?

The directions, (almost) verbatim:

Step 1: Fold- press the sides of the cup together and fold it in half again forming a tight U.

Step 2: With one hand, hold the sides firmly together with you thumb on one side and your *four (4) fingers on the other side just below the top ridge of the cup.

*I guess if you’re missing fingers you’re SOL

Step 3: Take a comfortable position, with your free hand…(blah, blah you get the idea)

WARNING: DO NOT push the stem further than 1/2 inch into the vagina. (who the hell knows how far that is??) Inserting the Diva Cup too high may cause leaks. Over insertion may also make removal more difficult. (or impossible!)

Step 4: You ready for this one? This is my favorite…

Step 4: IMPORTANT: Finally, in order to the create the seal with the vaginal muscle, grip the base of the cup (not the stem) and turn the cup one full rotation (360 degrees) in either direction.

It goes on, but that’s the gist of it. You got it? Think you can do it?

I just realized that the directions on their website make it sound much simpler. I’m pretty sure they do that for a reason. The old bait and switch…vag style!

Here I am, sitting on the toilet, one leg up on the side of the bathtub, trying to shove this thing up in me.

I’m here to tell you, there is nothing “Diva” about this cup! It requires, strong, nimble, fingers; flexibility; a strong will to stick a plastic mug all up in your business and absolute confidence in your ability to yank it back out…later.

After twenty minutes of folding and shoving, folding and shoving, folding, folding and folding again, and eventual success with insertion, I put my foot back on the floor and attempted to sit upright only to find that my back had seized up during this process. It hurt so bad it took my breath away. Can we say, AWESOME! Again? Oh hell yeah!

I left it in for a couple of hours. As long as I was sitting I couldn’t feel it, but walking was quite uncomfortable. The cup isn’t any bigger than other “things” that regularly go up in there (I know TMI, but I have to defend Brett here!) however, husbands don’t feel like bendy dixie cups and don’t require FOLDING. Nor do they have to be removed by pulling on what becomes a very slippery plastic tab.

Luckily removal only took about three minutes and although the aching back made it feel like an eternity, I had done it! I had successfully used the Diva Cup. After which I quickly washed it out, placed it in it’s cute little Diva pouch, and threw it in the back of the cupboard where it will sit until after I give birth and can work up the never to try again. (highly unlikely)

There goes $40.00…I’m sticking to pads and tampons.

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So on to other things. My Stacey, knowing I struggle with organization and keeping a clean house, recommended a book to me called “Sink Reflections”. I picked it up at the Library last week and am LOVING it! I’m not following it to a “T”, but it is giving me direction and a feeling of empowerment to gain and maintain control of my home. One of the best lines in the book is, “you can’t organize clutter”. SO TRUE! I never thought about it, but it’s true. That’s what I’ve been trying to do: organize all the crap in my life instead of just purging it.

I am now working to surround myself with only the things I either: use, love or to which I have a personal connection. This means, clothes that I no longer wear are gone, even IF they still have the tags on them. The two extra knife blocks that were cluttering the kitchen because I MIGHT need them are gone and the “bar” where we stored our liquor has been replaced with a pretty lamp, a candle and a plant. Of course I didn’t get rid of the alcohol, but I found a home for it– in the cupboard where the dead blender than I “might be able to fix” once lived. The bottles always bugged me seeing them there on the sideboard in the dining room. I thought it looked trashy, but now it’s gone and every time I walk in that room I just see pretty things which makes me super happy!

Additionally, last week we ate EVERY meal at home. I think that’s a first for us. In fact I KNOW it is. We’ve tried in the past, but something has always come up, whether a legitimate reason or a lame excuse, we’ve never made it an ENTIRE week of just eating at home and I have to admit, it feels REALLY GOOD!!

This weekend we got so much done outside. The beautiful weather helped of course, but it was amazing to come inside after a long day’s work, put dinner in the oven, take a hot shower and just relax feeling a sense of accomplishment and no guilt!

It’s so easy to be self destructive yet even EASIER to NOT be?? The lazy, apathetic and self-loathing snowball grows so quickly that it’s hard to make it stop but all it takes is a little sunshine to melt it all away allowing for motivation, accomplishments and JOY! Hooray for spring! Literally and figuratively.

Okay, I think I’ve written enough for today and even though I feel like I could go on and on and on I will end here for now.