Even though I haven’t weighed 328lbs in almost three years, I still get stuck in my “fat-girl” head.

I’ll look at something that was once completely impossible and tell myself it still is. Whether it’s looking at a pair of jeans that appear too small (even though they’re my size) or avoiding a physical activity assuming that I can’t do it.

Jumping is one of those things; a HUGE hurdle for me, literally and figuratively.  I can scale a 13 foot wall, I’m fearless on a ropes course and I’ll ride the highest, fastest roller coaster but ask me to jump and I just shut down.

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One day, about 16 months ago, Brett and I were sitting on the front porch and I looked down at the first step of our stoop and said out loud, “I wonder if I can jump that high?”

His reply, “Um yeah, it’s like 3 inches.”  With the tone of, “Duh, Andrea. Why would you think otherwise?”

So I got up, walked over to the stoop, stood in front of that three inch step and looked at Brett. He smiled and nodded giving me the “you’ve got this!” look of encouragement.

I looked down at the step, all three inches of it and suddenly my heart began racing.  I felt like I was about to jump out of a plane.  My chest felt heavy.  My stomach got queasy.  I wanted to cry.

I stood there for a few seconds, took a deep breath, bent my knees and…

Didn’t jump.

I stood there for 10 minutes trying to psych myself up to jump (more like hop) 3 inches, vertically.  It became comical.  Brett and I were both laughing.  He demonstrated how easy it was several times by jumping it himself…and even jumping the second step which was about 2 inches HIGHER!

I couldn’t, I just couldn’t.

Over the next two months, I’d periodically stand in front of that step and try to convince myself to jump but I couldn’t get out of my head.  I was sure that I’d catch my toe on the lip of the step and I’d fall forward and bust my shins on the 5″step above it.

TWO MONTHS!

By this time, I’d started Crossfit but had been sticking to 12″ step ups anytime there were box jumps in the WOD. (workout of the day)

I took MONTHS for me to increase the height of my step ups and it wasn’t until I’d been doing Crossfit for over a year that I finally moved to jumping; starting with 6 inches, then 9, then 12, then 15.

For the last several months I was stuck at 15 inches; I was terrified to go any higher.  Until FINALLY, just last week, I did it. I jumped 20 fricken inches which is nothing short of a miracle!

And guess what!

I recorded it just for you.  Even though you already know that I did it, I urge you to watch it.

The painful anxiety and lack of confidence are undeniable.  This was three minutes of sheer torture for me followed by a victory that made it all worth it.

Watch with baited breath.  Cringe with anticipation.  And laugh at the procrastination.

Then check out my 2014 Crossfit Goals

And if you feel so inclined, give me a virtual high five in the comments below for FINALLY GETTING MY FIRST 20″ Jump!