MAY 16, 2014
Even though I have lost 164lbs and I am at my doctor’s goal weight…
Even though I have been doing crossfit 4-5 days a week for almost 2 years and eat a very clean diet (90% of the time)…
Even though I am a certified personal trainer and a Spartan, a Rugged Maniac, a Warrior and a Triathlete…
This is what my body looks like (almost) naked.
Because of this I try very hard to stay focused on fitness goals as my measure of success rather than my appearance, or the number on the scale, or the size of my jeans, but sometimes, just sometimes, I forget…
I am extremely passionate about sharing my story and the lessons I’ve learned in hopes of inspiring others to live their own I’mperfect Life!
MAY 16, 2014
A few weeks ago I did just that…I forgot. I was faced with a “Look Good Naked Challenge” at my gym that I knew I had no chance in hell of winning. I remembered that summer was just around the corner and realized that I would go a 25th year wearing shorts over my bathing suit to hide the legs I’ve hated since I was 11. I tried on a jean skirt that I wanted so bad only to see my misshapen knees that have kept me from wearing anything above them throughout all of my adult years, and out of nowhere it hit me like a ton of bricks…I felt frustrated, discouraged and sad. Like really, really sad. I even cried a little. I felt like all the hard work that I’d been doing wasn’t paying off and it made me want to give up.
I spent a good week or so feeling sorry for myself, getting caught up in the vanity of it all. I didn’t work as hard at the gym, I didn’t eat as well as I usually do and every time I looked in the mirror I felt worse than I had the time before.
I can’t recall if there was something specific that got me to pull my head out of my ass, but fortunately something did. (could have just been the end of my period…fricken hormones!) Regardless of what it was, I decided that it was time to REALLY celebrate what my ugly body CAN DO rather than focus on what it looks like…or doesn’t look like. So I asked my friend Emily, the amazing photographer, to take some pictures of me DOING the THINGS I have NEVER, EVER…EVER in my entire life…not even as a kid (with the exception of the cartwheel) have been able to do until now.
So here you go! Today I am celebrating what my body is capable of doing because of the lifestyle changes that I’ve made and the hard work I’ve done in and out of the gym.
I am PROUD of my ugly body because...
THIS BACK AND THOSE ARMS
ARE STRONG ENOUGH TO DO THIS (no strings attached!)
THIS BACKSIDE
CAN DO A CARTWHEEL A GRACEFUL AS ANY (NOVICE) GYMNAST
THESE SADDLEBAGS, STRETCH MARKS AND CELLULITE
CAN’T STOP ME FROM BEING SUPER FLEXIBLE
THAT LOOSE UNDERARM SKIN
DOESN’T MEAN I CAN’T CLIMB THIS THING
THE REMAINING FAT ALL OVER MY BODY
DOESN’T MEAN I’M NOT STRONG ENOUGH TO FLIP A FLIPPIN TIRE
MY FLABBY TUMMY
HAS THE CORE STRENGTH THAT ALLOWS ME TO ACT LIKE KID
THESE PUDGY LEGS
PROVIDE ME WITH ENOUGH STRENGTH AND STABILITY TO DO A ONE LEGGED SQUAT (with great amounts of concentration!)
AND THIS…ALL OF THIS
WOULDN’T KEEP ME FROM LOOKING STRONG AND SEXY…
IF I LIVED ON THE MOON
Besides, I still look cute in a pair of jeans…
AND I’M…
BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY
NO MATTER HOW UNCOMFORTABLE I AM DISPLAYING MY BODY DURING THE SUMMER MONTHS…
I NEVER, EVER WANT TO BE AS UNCOMFORTABLE AS I WAS IN THIS BODY 365 DAYS A YEAR
PS: This post was originally written in May of 2014 when I was 36 years old and before I had children. A lot has changed since then, especially my body, but my love, appreciation, and commitment to taking care of it hasn’t. It is still an amazing body that let’s me live an amazing life. <3
If you're struggling to live your ideal happy and healthy lifestyle, in a body that you love, please consider joining me and a group of incredible women who are working to do the same!
PRESS HIGHLIGHTS
Wow, you are one amazing warrioress! I also remind myself of what my body can do, rather than focusing on my appearance because sometimes I don’t think I look as fit as I am due to the media’s preconcieved idea of what fit is (obviously anorexia is not fit or healthy but for some reason everyone thinks so) but I also do a lot of other things to boost my self esteem and to love myself, rather than just calling myself ugly! And I’m not entirely sure if I would call this article brave or sacrificial, maybe it’s both, but I don’t see how opening yourself up to the opinionated world of people with body image problems is going to be healthy for you as an individual. Obviously seeing the title you should be assured the only people reading this are people with body image problems and possibly eating disorders, so while you might get a handful of supporters who are also going through this, you might also get the real sickos who glorify anorexia and want nothing but to be stick thin, which will only strengthen your own messed up idea that you are somehow ugly and fat when you are by no means close to either.
I too have recovered from anorexia and still suffer from body image problems and I found this article after typing in a really body shaming search term.
Unfortunately you sort of made me feel bad about myself because if you think you are ugly, that must mean you think I’m Megatron Ugly. I want to be proud of the things I can do with my body but I ALSO want to be proud of what my body looks like too, despite what it looks like, in fact.
I hope one day you will no longer see yourself as ugly and that you can find a better way to love yourself rather than just focusing on all the amazing things your body can do for you, because unfortunately you may not always have those amazing things to rely on to give you a self esteem boost, as your body may not always be reliable, strong or fit. True freedom from this body image hell comes from within, not outside.
You certainly don’t look like you have any fat on you, that is called muscle! You look very solid and fit. Sure you have loose skin, but who cares, it’s a sign of how much weight you lost. Since you’re a personal trainer I should really hope by now that you realize your body is perfectly normal for a female athlete.
As a personal trainer you should also realize those fitness models are extremely unhealthy and it’s literally the same thing as anorexia for a woman to starve herself to get to an extremely low body fat percentage just to get ripped, so if you are comparing yourself to that, for the sake of the rest of us who are trying to love ourselves as healthy, fit women, please stop!
Literally, calling yourself ugly is a huge insult to the rest of the world, especially to those who do not have capable bodies like yourself. You are beautiful, hot, sexy, you have the perfect physique, of an athletic woman who is lean, strong and muscular who also has a perfect hourglass figure. You have a very pretty face, perfect hair. You don’t have half the body problems I have to worry about. So when you tell the rest of us that you are ugly, how do you think it makes us feel? When you are training others you wouldn’t body shame them like you do to yourself, so hopefully one day you can be kinder to yourself!
Hi Sabrina,
Thank you for taking the time to read and respond to this post. I appreciate your insight and hate to hear that you have battled annorexia. Eating disorders on both ends of the spectrum are dangerous and need to be taken seriously. While I understand what you’re saying about wishing that I wouldn’t call myself ugly, however, why do I have to believe that my body is beautiful in order to love it? Why can’t I just love it, scars, cellulite, loose fat, skin and all? If we say that everything is beautiful then the word loses it’s meaning. I don’t believe that referring to my body as “ugly” is demeaning or degrading by any means. And even if I did, I wouldn’t change it. If I hadn’t used the word, “ugly” this post wouldn’t have been viewed by probably 10% who have actually seen it. Perhaps it’s unfortunate that it’s in our nature to because curious about someone referring to themselves as ugly, or maybe it says something about the overuse of the word beautiful. I think I can speak for the majority of women, yourself included, that we are tired of trying to attain the stereotypical “beautiful body.”
I hope that people who google “body image shaming” find this post. I hope that it inspires them to realize that their bodies are more important than what they look like and they leave with a new appreciation for what their bodies can do and what they are capable of.
I won’t try to convince you to change your mind, but I still feel it’s necessary to share my perspective.
Thank you again for reading and for taking the time to share your thoughts. <3
You Are my inspiration!
LOL! Thank you!
you are so lovely!! you are so strong! you inspire me with that heart “My heart is full of joy.”<3 thank you
Thank you Daniela! <3