MAY 16, 2014
Even though I have lost 164lbs and I am at my doctor’s goal weight…
Even though I have been doing crossfit 4-5 days a week for almost 2 years and eat a very clean diet (90% of the time)…
Even though I am a certified personal trainer and a Spartan, a Rugged Maniac, a Warrior and a Triathlete…
This is what my body looks like (almost) naked.
Because of this I try very hard to stay focused on fitness goals as my measure of success rather than my appearance, or the number on the scale, or the size of my jeans, but sometimes, just sometimes, I forget…
I am extremely passionate about sharing my story and the lessons I’ve learned in hopes of inspiring others to live their own I’mperfect Life!

MAY 16, 2014
A few weeks ago I did just that…I forgot. I was faced with a “Look Good Naked Challenge” at my gym that I knew I had no chance in hell of winning. I remembered that summer was just around the corner and realized that I would go a 25th year wearing shorts over my bathing suit to hide the legs I’ve hated since I was 11. I tried on a jean skirt that I wanted so bad only to see my misshapen knees that have kept me from wearing anything above them throughout all of my adult years, and out of nowhere it hit me like a ton of bricks…I felt frustrated, discouraged and sad. Like really, really sad. I even cried a little. I felt like all the hard work that I’d been doing wasn’t paying off and it made me want to give up.
I spent a good week or so feeling sorry for myself, getting caught up in the vanity of it all. I didn’t work as hard at the gym, I didn’t eat as well as I usually do and every time I looked in the mirror I felt worse than I had the time before.
I can’t recall if there was something specific that got me to pull my head out of my ass, but fortunately something did. (could have just been the end of my period…fricken hormones!) Regardless of what it was, I decided that it was time to REALLY celebrate what my ugly body CAN DO rather than focus on what it looks like…or doesn’t look like. So I asked my friend Emily, the amazing photographer, to take some pictures of me DOING the THINGS I have NEVER, EVER…EVER in my entire life…not even as a kid (with the exception of the cartwheel) have been able to do until now.
So here you go! Today I am celebrating what my body is capable of doing because of the lifestyle changes that I’ve made and the hard work I’ve done in and out of the gym.
I am PROUD of my ugly body because...
THIS BACK AND THOSE ARMS
ARE STRONG ENOUGH TO DO THIS (no strings attached!)
THIS BACKSIDE
CAN DO A CARTWHEEL A GRACEFUL AS ANY (NOVICE) GYMNAST
THESE SADDLEBAGS, STRETCH MARKS AND CELLULITE
CAN’T STOP ME FROM BEING SUPER FLEXIBLE
THAT LOOSE UNDERARM SKIN
DOESN’T MEAN I CAN’T CLIMB THIS THING
THE REMAINING FAT ALL OVER MY BODY
DOESN’T MEAN I’M NOT STRONG ENOUGH TO FLIP A FLIPPIN TIRE
MY FLABBY TUMMY
HAS THE CORE STRENGTH THAT ALLOWS ME TO ACT LIKE KID
THESE PUDGY LEGS
PROVIDE ME WITH ENOUGH STRENGTH AND STABILITY TO DO A ONE LEGGED SQUAT (with great amounts of concentration!)
AND THIS…ALL OF THIS
WOULDN’T KEEP ME FROM LOOKING STRONG AND SEXY…
IF I LIVED ON THE MOON
Besides, I still look cute in a pair of jeans…
AND I’M…
BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY
NO MATTER HOW UNCOMFORTABLE I AM DISPLAYING MY BODY DURING THE SUMMER MONTHS…
I NEVER, EVER WANT TO BE AS UNCOMFORTABLE AS I WAS IN THIS BODY 365 DAYS A YEAR
PS: This post was originally written in May of 2014 when I was 36 years old and before I had children. A lot has changed since then, especially my body, but my love, appreciation, and commitment to taking care of it hasn’t. It is still an amazing body that let’s me live an amazing life. <3
If you're struggling to live your ideal happy and healthy lifestyle, in a body that you love, please consider joining me and a group of incredible women who are working to do the same!
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Just today I left class really depressed and feeling sorry for myself. I have been doing crossfit for 8 months (with a total of about 6 weeks missed due to illness and some travel) and I just absolutely suck at it. I’m 48 yrs old, 6,7″, 240 lbs (well proportioned – not at all pudgy or sporting a ‘Dad Bod’) but was feeling like I was ready to give up. I’ve been telling myself “I’m just not build for Crossfit”. I cant Rx any WOD, I failed to finish the warm up and the WOD today (100 push ups for time with a 12 min cap) then 12-9-5-3 back squat, toes to bar, jumping pull up, wall ball, bar facing burpies with a 12 min cap. I had no weight on the bar and didn’t even finish the 9 round. People were crushing the push ups in 5 min and nailing the WOD at 8 min with 95+ on the back squat.
So here I am feeling sorry for myself but then I saw your blog and I am super impressed. Congratulations on some strong work!!! Its inspiring to see and makes me want to pick myself up and drag myself back tomorrow. Thanks for sharing.
Hi MJ! That is the frustrating thing about CrossFit. It seems like there are always people who are better than you no matter how hard you try, and rough days like the one you had today make it even worse. The more you do it the better it (you) will get! Don’t give up. Be your own rabbit and track your own progress comparing yourself to only you. It took me two years to be able to RX a single WOD and after a year of injuries and setbacks I feel like I’m starting over. It often feels discouraging but I realize that I have two choices…give up or keep moving forward. I’d rather move forward, no matter how slow it is than ever go back to where I was. Take care of YOU! <3
Thank you so much for sharing. You are such an inspiration. I hope that your journey brings you to amazing places! 🙂
Thank you Caroline! <3
omg you are freaking amazing, i was at a really unhealthy weight and lost 60+ pounds which left me with saggy skin and arms. and i have a really hard time loving those parts some days are harder than others. but this post is amazing and inspiring. thanks so much for sharing xo
YOU are amazing! <3