Even though I have lost 164lbs and I am at my doctor’s goal weight…
Even though I have been doing crossfit 4-5 days a week for almost 2 years and eat a very clean diet (90% of the time)…
Even though I am a certified personal trainer and a Spartan, a Rugged Maniac, a Warrior and a Triathlete…
This is what my body looks like (almost) naked
Because of this I try very hard to stay focused on fitness goals as my measure of success rather than my appearance, or the number on the scale, or the size of my jeans, but sometimes, just sometimes, I forget…
I am extremely passionate about sharing my story and the lessons I’ve learned in hopes of inspiring others to live their own I’mperfect Life!
MAY 16, 2014
A few weeks ago I did just that…I forgot. I was faced with a “Look Good Naked Challenge” at my gym that I knew I had no chance in hell of winning. I remembered that summer was just around the corner and realized that I would go a 25th year wearing shorts over my bathing suit to hide the legs I’ve hated since I was 11. I tried on a jean skirt that I wanted so bad only to see my misshapen knees that have kept me from wearing anything above them throughout all of my adult years, and out of nowhere it hit me like a ton of bricks…I felt frustrated, discouraged and sad. Like really, really sad. I even cried a little. I felt like all the hard work that I’d been doing wasn’t paying off and it made me want to give up.
I spent a good week or so feeling sorry for myself, getting caught up in the vanity of it all. I didn’t work as hard at the gym, I didn’t eat as well as I usually do and every time I looked in the mirror I felt worse than I had the time before.
I can’t recall if there was something specific that got me to pull my head out of my ass, but fortunately something did. (could have just been the end of my period…fricken hormones!) Regardless of what it was, I decided that it was time to REALLY celebrate what my ugly body CAN DO rather than focus on what it looks like…or doesn’t look like. So I asked my friend Emily, the amazing photographer, to take some pictures of me DOING the THINGS I have NEVER, EVER…EVER in my entire life…not even as a kid (with the exception of the cartwheel) have been able to do until now.
So here you go! Today I am celebrating what my body is capable of doing because of the lifestyle changes that I’ve made and the hard work I’ve done in and out of the gym.
I am PROUD of my ugly body because...
THIS BACK AND THOSE ARMS
ARE STRONG ENOUGH TO DO THIS (no strings attached!)
THIS BACKSIDE
CAN DO A CARTWHEEL A GRACEFUL AS ANY (NOVICE) GYMNAST
THESE SADDLEBAGS, STRETCH MARKS AND CELLULITE
CAN’T STOP ME FROM BEING SUPER FLEXIBLE
THAT LOOSE UNDERARM SKIN
DOESN’T MEAN I CAN’T CLIMB THIS THING
THE REMAINING FAT ALL OVER MY BODY
DOESN’T MEAN I’M NOT STRONG ENOUGH TO FLIP A FLIPPIN TIRE
MY FLABBY TUMMY
HAS THE CORE STRENGTH THAT ALLOWS ME TO ACT LIKE KID
THESE PUDGY LEGS
PROVIDE ME WITH ENOUGH STRENGTH AND STABILITY TO DO A ONE LEGGED SQUAT (with great amounts of concentration!)
AND THIS…ALL OF THIS
WOULDN’T KEEP ME FROM LOOKING STRONG AND SEXY…
IF I LIVED ON THE MOON
Besides, I still look cute in a pair of jeans…
AND I’M…
BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY
NO MATTER HOW UNCOMFORTABLE I AM DISPLAYING MY BODY DURING THE SUMMER MONTHS…
I NEVER, EVER WANT TO BE AS UNCOMFORTABLE AS I WAS IN THIS BODY 365 DAYS A YEAR
PS: This post was originally written in May of 2014. Since then I have been pregnant three times and have given birth to two baby boys! (4/2016 and 1/2018)
There's no such thing as before and after, only then and now, but I still love my ugly body, and I'm on a mission to help other women love their's too!
CLICK HERE to read the latest in my “Ugly Body Evolution”!
PRESS HIGHLIGHTS
I’m very impress.
Bravo!
Thank you!
I want to thank you for this, first I have to be mad at you for making me cry, there, now I can thank you. I am only at the beginning of my journey. It’s been a lifelong one but one I was never able to go at completely without life getting in the way. 14 years ago I lost 70 pounds over 6 months, I was eating better and going to the gym. Then I met my husband. His mother was a good cook but nothing was ever from scratch because the poor woman was getting up at 4 in the morning for work and only getting home at 7 pm most nights. So we had sidekicks, and hamburger helper and there was always a quick grab snack right there… I put 25 pounds on from the time we started dating until we got married 3 years later. Then we got pregnant, and I packed on another 30 pounds, but I was ok with that since I had just had a baby, good excuse right? Well I thought it was. But then following dr’s orders I ate enough calories to nourish myself and my nursing baby. My milk flow was incomplete and there was a blockage, and so the baby never actually got more than an ounce or so a day, so where did those calories go? Where all calories go. I started going to Curves as soon as the DR gave me the ok, 9 months later I broke my elbow at the Y and even after reconstructive surgery and 6 months of physio, it never did heal right, and it doesn’t work now. I went back to work, gained more weight. Met a nice guy who was a fitness buff, he inspired me to take control of my health, so I started the couch to 5k program, did alright, got pregnant with #2 and was told to keep walking but no more running. Fast forward 6 years and I was up again, a total of 85 pounds from where I was on my wedding day. I am miserable at home so I am currently in the process of getting a divorce. My kids have had a teacher/ trainer for 2.5 years who is now opening a gym. He’s been bugging me since September to join the adult boot camp he teaches, but all the girls in the class are skinny minis, so I keep saying no. When he opened the gym I went for the free trial and joined, because HE believed I could make some changes and do really well, not because I did. A month after joining he saw me doing the leg press, and challenged me to keep uping the weight until I couldn’t push it anymore. My legs amazed me as I pushed the 400 pound stack with out any effort. The next night he made me try deadlifting, his passion, and after doing exactly what he said I succeeded in lifting 125 pounds on my first lift. What a high, what a rush, what a surprise. I’m hooked. That was June 15, I am now down 26 pounds between my regular workout and one 1 hour session with him per week, and I am lifting 265, which is officially more than I weigh. But this week I had a blah week, I didn’t want to go, I didn’t feel like I was accomplishing anything, and I wasn’t seeing any new results. I did exactly what you described, I ate poorly, I worked out but not enough to feel good about, and I blamed my stupid, fat, ugly body for all of this. Today was better, but not perfect, then I found your post on Pinterest, and I read it start to finish, and I cried like a kid who’s ice cream fell on the ground. Thank you for reminding me that even though I am not there yet, I am a hell of a long way from where I was a mere 4 months ago. I will keep pushing, and I won’t give up, and I will lift 315 by the end of October. I will be as proud of me as my friend/ trainer is of me, and I will shut up about my flabby spots and love the muscles underneath them. I can’t say thank you enough for reminding me that it’s ok to just be me, a better me, but still me none the less.
YES! Be proud and kick ass! 🙂
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