Even though I have lost 164lbs and I am at my doctor’s goal weight…
Even though I have been doing crossfit 4-5 days a week for almost 2 years and eat a very clean diet (90% of the time)…
Even though I am a certified personal trainer and a Spartan, a Rugged Maniac, a Warrior and a Triathlete…
This is what my body looks like (almost) naked
Because of this I try very hard to stay focused on fitness goals as my measure of success rather than my appearance, or the number on the scale, or the size of my jeans, but sometimes, just sometimes, I forget…
I am extremely passionate about sharing my story and the lessons I’ve learned in hopes of inspiring others to live their own I’mperfect Life!
MAY 16, 2014
A few weeks ago I did just that…I forgot. I was faced with a “Look Good Naked Challenge” at my gym that I knew I had no chance in hell of winning. I remembered that summer was just around the corner and realized that I would go a 25th year wearing shorts over my bathing suit to hide the legs I’ve hated since I was 11. I tried on a jean skirt that I wanted so bad only to see my misshapen knees that have kept me from wearing anything above them throughout all of my adult years, and out of nowhere it hit me like a ton of bricks…I felt frustrated, discouraged and sad. Like really, really sad. I even cried a little. I felt like all the hard work that I’d been doing wasn’t paying off and it made me want to give up.
I spent a good week or so feeling sorry for myself, getting caught up in the vanity of it all. I didn’t work as hard at the gym, I didn’t eat as well as I usually do and every time I looked in the mirror I felt worse than I had the time before.
I can’t recall if there was something specific that got me to pull my head out of my ass, but fortunately something did. (could have just been the end of my period…fricken hormones!) Regardless of what it was, I decided that it was time to REALLY celebrate what my ugly body CAN DO rather than focus on what it looks like…or doesn’t look like. So I asked my friend Emily, the amazing photographer, to take some pictures of me DOING the THINGS I have NEVER, EVER…EVER in my entire life…not even as a kid (with the exception of the cartwheel) have been able to do until now.
So here you go! Today I am celebrating what my body is capable of doing because of the lifestyle changes that I’ve made and the hard work I’ve done in and out of the gym.
I am PROUD of my ugly body because...
THIS BACK AND THOSE ARMS
ARE STRONG ENOUGH TO DO THIS (no strings attached!)
THIS BACKSIDE
CAN DO A CARTWHEEL A GRACEFUL AS ANY (NOVICE) GYMNAST
THESE SADDLEBAGS, STRETCH MARKS AND CELLULITE
CAN’T STOP ME FROM BEING SUPER FLEXIBLE
THAT LOOSE UNDERARM SKIN
DOESN’T MEAN I CAN’T CLIMB THIS THING
THE REMAINING FAT ALL OVER MY BODY
DOESN’T MEAN I’M NOT STRONG ENOUGH TO FLIP A FLIPPIN TIRE
MY FLABBY TUMMY
HAS THE CORE STRENGTH THAT ALLOWS ME TO ACT LIKE KID
THESE PUDGY LEGS
PROVIDE ME WITH ENOUGH STRENGTH AND STABILITY TO DO A ONE LEGGED SQUAT (with great amounts of concentration!)
AND THIS…ALL OF THIS
WOULDN’T KEEP ME FROM LOOKING STRONG AND SEXY…
IF I LIVED ON THE MOON
Besides, I still look cute in a pair of jeans…
AND I’M…
BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY
NO MATTER HOW UNCOMFORTABLE I AM DISPLAYING MY BODY DURING THE SUMMER MONTHS…
I NEVER, EVER WANT TO BE AS UNCOMFORTABLE AS I WAS IN THIS BODY 365 DAYS A YEAR
PS: This post was originally written in May of 2014. Since then I have been pregnant three times and have given birth to two baby boys! (4/2016 and 1/2018)
There's no such thing as before and after, only then and now, but I still love my ugly body, and I'm on a mission to help other women love their's too!
CLICK HERE to read the latest in my “Ugly Body Evolution”!
PRESS HIGHLIGHTS
Wow. You are so beautiful! It is so refreshing to see you embracing your “imperfections”! Self love is so important and you have worked so hard to get to the point of where you are today! You are incredible and truly an inspiration girly! Loved the article–thank you for sharing 🙂
I think you are beautiful and strong and I thank you for sharing. I am just starting out and needed this!
I just happened across your blog and it couldn’t have happened at a better time. As I was reading some of your story I just kept thinking this is one of the first real true story of someone that gets how hard it is. Thank you for sharing your story. I have gained weight and lost weight my entire life. I even went as far as having gastric bypass as a permanent solution – unfortunately that didn’t happen. I lost weight and kept going for almost 2 years, but my skin was sagging in my stomach area, etc… and I hate the way I looked even after losing weight because of the skin. I am now back to the weight I was when I had the surgery. So I decided to go see a doctor. I am currently taking a medication to help me lose weight that makes me not hungry. I know this isn’t going to keep working and I know I need to make some changes. I really want to lose weight, be healthy and keep it off. I want to be around for my grandkids. I am looking forward to learning and reading more from you – THANK YOU for keeping it real!!
Hi Stephanie! I totally get it! I actually had weight loss surgery too, and while it was definitely the jump-start I needed, it is by no means a cure. I have spent the last four years working to create new lifestyle habits, realizing that those habits continue to change as my life changes. I don’t know that it will ever become easy, but it’s definitely worth it.
Not to try to sell you something that you didn’t ask for, but I’m rolling out a new program that I created based on lots of research and personal and profession experience to teach REAL lifestyle change– which starts with a mind shift. If you’re interested you can learn more at http://www.imperfectlifecoaching.com/makeover
You are going through what SO MANY go through on a daily basis, so please know that you are not broken, and you are definitely not alone!
Love yourself and your body right now, believe change is possible, and get excited about who and what you’re becoming! <3