Even though I have lost 164lbs and I am at my doctor’s goal weight…
Even though I have been doing crossfit 4-5 days a week for almost 2 years and eat a very clean diet (90% of the time)…
Even though I am a certified personal trainer and a Spartan, a Rugged Maniac, a Warrior and a Triathlete…
This is what my body looks like (almost) naked
Because of this I try very hard to stay focused on fitness goals as my measure of success rather than my appearance, or the number on the scale, or the size of my jeans, but sometimes, just sometimes, I forget…
I am extremely passionate about sharing my story and the lessons I’ve learned in hopes of inspiring others to live their own I’mperfect Life!
MAY 16, 2014
A few weeks ago I did just that…I forgot. I was faced with a “Look Good Naked Challenge” at my gym that I knew I had no chance in hell of winning. I remembered that summer was just around the corner and realized that I would go a 25th year wearing shorts over my bathing suit to hide the legs I’ve hated since I was 11. I tried on a jean skirt that I wanted so bad only to see my misshapen knees that have kept me from wearing anything above them throughout all of my adult years, and out of nowhere it hit me like a ton of bricks…I felt frustrated, discouraged and sad. Like really, really sad. I even cried a little. I felt like all the hard work that I’d been doing wasn’t paying off and it made me want to give up.
I spent a good week or so feeling sorry for myself, getting caught up in the vanity of it all. I didn’t work as hard at the gym, I didn’t eat as well as I usually do and every time I looked in the mirror I felt worse than I had the time before.
I can’t recall if there was something specific that got me to pull my head out of my ass, but fortunately something did. (could have just been the end of my period…fricken hormones!) Regardless of what it was, I decided that it was time to REALLY celebrate what my ugly body CAN DO rather than focus on what it looks like…or doesn’t look like. So I asked my friend Emily, the amazing photographer, to take some pictures of me DOING the THINGS I have NEVER, EVER…EVER in my entire life…not even as a kid (with the exception of the cartwheel) have been able to do until now.
So here you go! Today I am celebrating what my body is capable of doing because of the lifestyle changes that I’ve made and the hard work I’ve done in and out of the gym.
I am PROUD of my ugly body because...
THIS BACK AND THOSE ARMS
ARE STRONG ENOUGH TO DO THIS (no strings attached!)
THIS BACKSIDE
CAN DO A CARTWHEEL A GRACEFUL AS ANY (NOVICE) GYMNAST
THESE SADDLEBAGS, STRETCH MARKS AND CELLULITE
CAN’T STOP ME FROM BEING SUPER FLEXIBLE
THAT LOOSE UNDERARM SKIN
DOESN’T MEAN I CAN’T CLIMB THIS THING
THE REMAINING FAT ALL OVER MY BODY
DOESN’T MEAN I’M NOT STRONG ENOUGH TO FLIP A FLIPPIN TIRE
MY FLABBY TUMMY
HAS THE CORE STRENGTH THAT ALLOWS ME TO ACT LIKE KID
THESE PUDGY LEGS
PROVIDE ME WITH ENOUGH STRENGTH AND STABILITY TO DO A ONE LEGGED SQUAT (with great amounts of concentration!)
AND THIS…ALL OF THIS
WOULDN’T KEEP ME FROM LOOKING STRONG AND SEXY…
IF I LIVED ON THE MOON
Besides, I still look cute in a pair of jeans…
AND I’M…
BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY
NO MATTER HOW UNCOMFORTABLE I AM DISPLAYING MY BODY DURING THE SUMMER MONTHS…
I NEVER, EVER WANT TO BE AS UNCOMFORTABLE AS I WAS IN THIS BODY 365 DAYS A YEAR
PS: This post was originally written in May of 2014. Since then I have been pregnant three times and have given birth to two baby boys! (4/2016 and 1/2018)
There's no such thing as before and after, only then and now, but I still love my ugly body, and I'm on a mission to help other women love their's too!
CLICK HERE to read the latest in my “Ugly Body Evolution”!
PRESS HIGHLIGHTS
Thank you for sharing this. I hate my body, always have even when I was 120 pounds and my muscles were defined. In the past year I ended my engagement, miscarried, lost my job, apartment, and family members. I gained around 50 pounds and I was up to 220 because of my depression meds. Im now down to 196 in 4 months but I still avoid intamacy and dating. I dont want to end up alone because of this. What is your advice?
Those are a lot of really tough changes in a short amount of time, I’m so sorry. At the risk of sounding trite, I highly recommend therapy. It sounds like you have a lot of stuff to process that has very little to do with diet and exercise. I can tell you all day long that you’re good enough and worthy (all true) but there’s a lot of work that goes into truly believing that. I do help women love themselves more, care for their bodies better and create sustainable habits for a happy, healthy lifestyle in my membership program, EVOLve, but I’m not a therapist, I’m a problem solver. I hope you’re able to find the best solution for you and would love to help you with the nuts and bolts stuff when you’re ready. <3
Well done, I am much older than you but I am also on this journey of self love. I have lost my daughter to cancer 3 years ago and I stopped living and sleeping. By not sleeping you gain weight, it was ot the eating….until one day I smiled for no reason. S.owly slowly I started breathing again and then I saw how much weight I picked up.
I am on a weight loss journey now and I want to weigh 60kg on my 60th birthday, 6 months from now, I have 12 kg to go. My biggest fear was getting in a costume, now I swim everyday. I love the feel of the water, and I love my imperfect body.
Well done
I’m so sorry Tessa, I cannot imagine that kind of pain. And yes, sleep is so vital to our overall health, including our weight. I love that you have found peace in your body and am happy to hear that you are caring for yourself and your body. <3
This was such an inspiring story and the pictures are so powerful, beautiful and validating. I suffer terribly from poor body image and have since I was 8 years old. I remember the defining moment when it began as clear today as when I was an 8 year old girl. I too have lost weight throughout my life but never got to my dream weight and maintained it. I am always just 10 pounds too heavy to look good in my clothes, to feel confident, to not be ashamed , to look attractive, to not be disgusted with my reflection. I am 5′ 1″ and weigh 120 pounds. I know, doesn’t seem so bad, but to me I am an overweight person with an incredibly ugly body. Complete with flabby skin, cellulite and shapeless limbs. I too have done fitcamps for years where it’s nothing to do 100 burpees /squats, 5 minute planks, tire flips etc. I am fit and strong but still hate the way I look. I want to love and appreciate what I work hard for but struggle on a daily basis. I am very proud to know you have done this., given yourself the gift of acceptance. Way to go Andrea.
Thank you Colette. I hope you are able to find some peace within yourself or the help you need to find that peace. Have you done any research on body dysmorphia? It’s a real, and debilitating concern. <3